Funny Valentine Shirts: Celebrate the Valentine’s Day of Love (Or Don’t)

Funny Valentine Shirts. You and I both know you need something to wear on the universally accepted day of celebrating romantic love. Or if you’re a grumpy cat there are plenty of hrrrrrrmph Valentine’s Day shirts for you to choose from.


It’s actually quite interesting to see the mix of funny Valentine shirts that are available out there. Seems to be an even mix of true romance, love yourself/I’ll buy my own flowers, actual disgust of the holiday, along with a dusting of dirty hyper sexual.

I get it. Relationships are tough. Some people are in great ones right now. They’re going to go for the positive stuff. Those not in a loving union are going to be a little bitter, particularly if there’s been heartache and betrayal. Then, there’s the hatred of the holiday. These people say they don’t like the commercialization of love and being forced to do things for their partners.

And cards kills trees, and cut flowers are the death of beauty, and, and, and chocolates are poison. And, fuck relationships. These people I think might have a bit of psychological baggage. I’ve been there. I was there. I happened to be a liberal at the time, and pushing up against the dominate mores of the culture was kinda the only thing I felt competent at. The only thing that made me stand out. Lame.

I’m not saying if you have similar negative feelings about the holiday you are lame … just that when I was in that place I was certainly lame. Not saying I’m not still lame. There’s a lot of lameness right here, but back in the day I was super lame and a total buzzkill, which is probably why I don’t have any friends.

People don’t really flock to that type of energy unless you’re super charismatic with a good dose of hotness. This, unfortunately, doesn’t describe me at all. In fact, think the opposite. Anyways, this damn Valentine’s day t-shirt post has kind of been surfacing some weird memories and emotions.

Geez, does the work ever end. Probably not.

Anyway, here’s what I’ve learned over the years. Make of it what you will …

Turns out unless there’s a really good reason to not follow what the culture does and celebrates, then you should probably just follow along. Engage. Enjoy it. Have fun. Appreciate humanity rather than calling it a plague or virus on the Earth, and wishing all the people would die out. That’s not a great ideology though it’s quite pervasive with radical leftists and globalist eugenicist freaks, who want to rule the Earth and live forever, and keep almost everybody else out of the club, except for about 500,000 that can do their bidding or follow the program unquestioning.

Anyways … that was a tangent. Here’s some more diversion. This dude and his magnificent afro popped up in an image search for Valentine’s Day??!?!?!?

valentines photo
Photo by Vegansoldier

Valentine’s Day Tees For Those That Want to Laugh

I skipped some of the more angry┬áValentine tees I found. I left a few of the offensive, and a healthy number of the grumpy ones, because those people aren’t just trying to watch it all burn. They care. They want to be part of something loving and healthy. Well, maybe not the more risque ones, and probably not the alcoholic ones, and the gorging on pizza ones probably aren’t that healthy, but there are a couple of them that celebrate the meaning.

Just love your people. Have fun. And listen to chill songs like My Funny Valentine …


Or I suppose if you’re in a different type of mood you could listen to My Bloody Valentine. Here’s there classic …

I love that song. I’m ancient. It came out in 1991, during my college years. I have good memories around it.

Funny Valentine Shirts: Just Have Fun With It Already. Not a Big Deal … Says the Guy That Applies Mascara and Cries the Whole Day to Get that Robert Smith Sad Vibe And To Marinate in the Loneliness. Help Me!

Valentine's Day Mood Emoji T Shirt

Did you enjoy all of the funny Valentine shirts? There’s definitely something for everyone, no matter what type of relationship you have. Or how much you love or hate the holiday.

I love the argument that it’s a bloody capitalist, commercial holiday so let’s boycott it. Go for it. Skip it. Or just use it as an excuse or reminder to do something nice for your lover. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t need to give them some shitty chocolate or a dumb card. Just give them kind words. Have a nice date. Whatever.

Of Course There’s a Dark History to the Origins of Valentine’s Day: I Would Expect Nothing Less of a Day Devoted to Love

I don’t normally link to NPR, that government funded propoganda outfit, but when I do, it’s to highlight the bloody convoluted mess of an origin story Valentine’s Day has.

It all started in ancient Rome. Romantics sacrificed some animals then beat their women with the hides of those sacrificed animals.

There was booze and nudity involved in these rituals, which I can’t totally argue with. It peaks my prurient interest. They drew names out of a hat and coupled up for the festival. If there was chemistry, then well you have a match for a long-term relationship. If it doesn’t work out you had some unbridled passion for a short time. Hopefully, no puking. I bet there was puking though. Probably lots of puking and unsanitary conditions.

So, then there’s this other story about Roman Emperor Claudius the Second killing some dude’s named Valentine on Feb. 14. The Roman Catholic Church made them martyrs and now you have a church sanctioned holiday.

Then, over time, there was some sort of mashup where you keep the name of the murdered dudes, and a sanitized version of the pagan sex ritual, Lupercalia, and you have modern day Valentine’s Day. That sort of doesn’t sound like Hallmark made up this particular holiday to move a shit ton of cards.

Probably a good idea to go with the Valentine name. Lupercalia Day sounds exactly like you’re going to be infected with an STI that features a real flemmy cough.

You know what they say: “spread love not diseases.”

They also say, go visit the Cheeze Tees home page for all the funny t shirts fit to wear on your sexy Lupercalia body.